Friday, January 21, 2005

Eid Blues

Wasn't it like a week ago that we had the last eid? Oh my, I have completely lost my sense of time (and my sense of timing was always screwed). All I can remember about last month is the subway. Zip to here, dash to there, read Pamuk on the bus and Vassanji on the job.
I spoke with my grandmother after a long time, today. And after a long, long time I have this urge to just buy a ticket and fly off to Lahore, where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.
Reading my emails I find that I once had a life, and some people beleive that I still have one; if they only knew, my woes have neither an end nor any meaning.
My greatest fear is loosing myself in the 9-5, or the drudgery of my roommate's punjabi stage show collection. No wonder a coffee time nearby looks more cozy to me than my own apartment. And the bills that pile up and the constant phone calls I get from institutions I owe money too; Arrrgh, don't wonna think about them!
I survive on fiction, that I am sure of. I would die without these worlds (and words) that sometimes give meaning, and sometimes withhold it. Not merely an escape, they exist as parallel realities where things occur for a purpose, no matter how strange or ordinary. I belong to these alternate universes, not this one that I am in, and perhaps that is the only 'ehsaas' that sustains me these days.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Computer Issues

I am currently going through a host of computer issues, because of which I am unable to post regularly. Till I get over these, this blog will be updated once a week.
PS: Have a great eid, and when you complain about the weather, add my name to the signees.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

New years resolutions

I have been surprised by the outpour of emotion and financial contributions in the wake of the tsunami disaster. A caller on a radio said that as many as 350,000 Sri Lankans live in the Toronto area. I know four of them, two being neighbors, all four have lost someone in their immediate family.
I think I have wrongly become a cynic. My experience might be bad, but it is limited. It pains me now, to see how wrong my attitude is.
Volunteers are making rounds on foot to collect donations, people are sitting in call centres waiting for donations. Many are donating food and clothing. Many more, with nothing else to give, are trying to provide counselling.
So here's my new years resolution.
This year, I will be an optimist. I will block all thoughts that lead to negativity. I will encourage others around me to participate in making things better. I will shun the cynic in me. I will refuse to be haunted by bad experiences in the past. I will not care what the headlines predict.
In short, I will believe.