Friday, May 27, 2005

Finding inspiration

Something has to happen to stir things up inside, and then, and only then, am I compelled to write.
Yes, I know that's silly. Even according to Elizabeth George's book 'Write Away', writing has more to do with butt-glue than inspiration. And while I was reading that particular line, I could almost see my mom looking over my shoulder saying, 'not just writing, M Zee, life!'
But I can't. I can not relate to discipline. If I were a character in someone's book (which isn't that far-fetched an idea once you think about it), this would be my defining trait. I'd rather let it burn in the back of my mind, till I am sure that I am ready, till the nervous energy is almost visible, bechaini, betaabi, seeping through the pores on my skin, and then I write.
My dilemma is that I can't say its good, because it doesn't work for everyone. I can't state with surity whether this time around it will work for me or not. Will I be scrambling at the last instant, trying to kick myself in the butt, and fail? But it is the only way I know.
Years ago, I'd actually promise myself that the next time, the very next time, immediately after that particular task, I would set myself straight. Alas, it wouldn't work, and the low you feel when you let yourself down is almost irreversible.
But the instantaneous realization, that yes, it's here, it's happening, is an occassion that warrants a celebration. And the reason I'm going on and on about all this, is because lightening struck today, and I wrote down another 25 pages in one sitting.
That's my new record!