Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Home cooked meals and other blessings

I had forgotten what it means to live at home, to eat full blown meals without worrying about cooking the next one and to take lunch and dinner at the hours when these meals are supposed to be taken.
An old acquaintance kept reminding me that I have lost a lotta weight, which isn't unusual, considering what I have been through the last coupla months. I am beginning to realize that the events have damaged my personality, too. My sense of humor, my confidence, my irrational exuberance ;) But let bygones be bygones, Murlizee, and good riddance, too.
I read a quote somewhere that madness is making the same mistake over and over again. I don't want to look back right now, but I have to, even if it is just to reminisce, to find out the reasons why fell into the holes that I fell into. Why could I not handle it? Where did I start loosing it?
At this point I don't want to blame others or myself. Just move on, I tell myself, but its hard to think clearly when so much of the immediate past clouds my thoughts. At first I thought some plain old solitude would help me out, but it didn't, and now that I have good company, I realize this is what I craved and required.
A special thanks to the Omnipotent for getting me here, and a special prayer to guide me forward, and a special resolution to keep moving, learning, maturing... the show must go on.