Saturday, September 18, 2004

A lover to a beloved

Translated from Faiz Ahmed Faiz by M.H.K. Qureshi

If today in the gardens of memory,
The breeze-breath blossoms flowers,
Then let it happen.

If forgotten pains from times gone by,
Desires to flash again,
Then let it happen too...

Its all right to meet like a stranger, as you do now.

Come sit with me for a while,
having met, this meeting,
will only enhance our sense of loss.
In our talks, in every story,
there be a thin veil of the unsaid,

I will not remind you, neither should you,
about broken promises,
nothing about loyalty or betrayal,
to wash off the writings of the dust of time.

If my eyes say,
Then should you so desire; listen,
if you do not so wish; don't.

And if your words betray their meaning,
Then should you so desire; speak,
if you do not so wish; don't.
----

I woke up today with the after thoughts of a dream still tinging my eyes. Sometimes the power of the unconcious is threatening, as is clear to me in hindsight. I push it away, deep down inside, like a secret candy I am saving for a really rainy day. But it raises its ugly head time and again, sometimes in solitude, sometimes in the best of company.
I should be happy that it came in the solitude of a dream, where there are no judges, no observers, 'no one to point the fingers, no one to take the blame'. And I was happy, lying in bed, savouring the taste. The very existence of this 'ehsaas' , belied the quickness with which it would vanish, but I enjoyed it.
In a sense of irony, I even thanked God for a few moments of delimma and delight. It just strengthens the belief that when we leave, a strange man in bermuda shorts and an un-buttoned huwaiian shirt, arms open, will be there to great us. With a wicked smile on his lips, a parent welcoming a child back who was reluctant to board the merry-go-round.

Thinking it must have been an experience of a lifetime, He goes,'How'd u like tat?'
And I just stare back, trying to find the emotion in his face, looking for a hint of remorse. Even a slight twitch would do. A small confirmation that I chose the right way, that my pain had a meaning, that my time was best-spent...
Maybe I will get this wish, too.